A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
