So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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