honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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