I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
