I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
