Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
