people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
