Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
