what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
