it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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