the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
