I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
