She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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