They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
