I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
