I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
