I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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