At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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