So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
