I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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