he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
