2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
