I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I believe in your delicious
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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