I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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