i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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