The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
