Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
