I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
