you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
