So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
