i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so let's talk penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
