are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
