Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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