I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
