Are we in a gay sports bar?
Where is the hickey?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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