so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
