My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my sisters under your porch take her home
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
