she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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