Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
