He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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