Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
