when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
