Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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