How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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