i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
