I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
