Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
