just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
