I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize