So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize