i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
