I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
porn star boner night. come get it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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