Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
