my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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