He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
