I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
