Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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