Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
