He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
