What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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