And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
