i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
