I'd wear matching sweaters with you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
