I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
