I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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