I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
