i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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