OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
