so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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