You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
