her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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