Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
