Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize