I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
